Ahhh....

Now I finally understand why people have trouble blogging in the U.S. when they've just come back from being abroad, somewhere.

Not like my life here's boring, but I think I've pretty much figured out this whole "life thing" to the point where I'm not the lovable foreigner struggling just to accomplish daily tasks here in California. So I don't really have any ridiculous/awkward/hysterical blunder stories to document because, well, I've just been catching up with friends and trying to organize the mess that is my life in boxes.

Being here though does kind of bring up a natural familiarity I've yet to experience in France.

However, I wonder how much of this is just nostalgia after moving away from college and all the friends I grew very close to over the last four years. When I do see said people though -- and one week is certainly proving to be quite an insufficient amount of time -- it's almost as if no time has passed at all. At times I've felt rather overwhelmed in France, but now I'm starting to see that the past five months have FLOWN by my eyes.

And beginning with my return next week, I'll only have three-and-a-half months left on this journey. As much fun as the ride has been, I'll be interested to see where my wings land me after it's over...

(UPDATED) Hi, make up your mind....

Maryann et moi, holding our beers.

Alright, you've heard me rant and rave about how much I miss home and don't want to stay in France forever. After this weekend, I finally feel like I'm finding my place here. Maybe that sentiment has to do with the recent acquisition of my long-stay residency card, but I doubt it. I think I'm getting more attached because I'm finally going back to the U.S. for a little bit.

Figures...

And now for a brief explanation of this weekend's events: My classes at Juan-Gare FINALLY behaved, all of them, for the first time in the five months I've been here!! I actually gave a damn Friday and got all dressed up because I was not going to the gym after class. When my students saw me, they all told me, "Comme vous êtes belle aujourd'hui!" I honestly hope that was not the reason they paid attention. Especially my CM2 boys, who last time in very vulgar French said something about my chest which I did not want to think too hard about translating.

Anyways after class, I waited for the train in the direction of Marseille, hopped on and took it 20 minutes to Cannes. Then I quickly figured out the bus and took it up to Le Cannet where I met Maryann and Elizabeth. After a brief stop at Casino, we had all we needed to make a big assistants' dinner for about six of us. Bellies full, we then hopped back on the bus towards downtown Cannes (I believe it may have been La Croisette) where I FINALLY enjoyed my first move in France! Well, I'm not sure how much I really enjoyed it per-se, but we did see Sweeney Todd in English. I will admit it was very different and I'm kind of weak when it comes to blood and gore, but it was well done. Maybe it was the wine in me that thought so.... I'm not so sure if wine dinners before the movie theater is such a good idea.


Afterwards, we went to an Irish pub nearby and Maryann and I ordered a Monaco and Demi-Pêche -- light beers with cherry and peach syrup, respectively. You can probably guess WHAT provoked this idea, but we all decided to hurry back to Maryann's and took the 12:30 bus to her place in the middle of a downpour accompanied by thunder/lightning on a mission to make a dark chocolate orange cake from scratch. It was DELISH and I was probably the only one who fell promptly asleep around 3 a.m.

Saturday was pretty lazy -- gosh I wonder why -- but the morning started off well with freshly-cooked French Bread and maple syrup, followed by a big chili lunch with the rest of the chocolate cake. Then I boarded the 3 p.m. train back to Antibes and hit up the gym. Today was pretty lazy again, but Maryann returned the favor when she came to visit me here and I made a reallllly yummy summer salad. I think I'll have to post the recipe later!

But I've been thinking a lot about what I want/should do when I get home. None of the job "offers"/suggestions/thoughts I initially had seem like they're going to be working out. Because of that, I've begun to think more about this whole "travel" thing.

And, though I'll explain more in the future, I'm seriously entertaining the idea of teaching English in a Spanish-speaking country for a (very) short amount of time. Not like what I'm doing here, but possibly on an island or in Central/South America, just until the end of the summer.

Ah, I doubt it'll happen, but it sounds like a neat idea.

Ask me next week what I want to do with my life -- I bet it'll be the eighteenth different response you'll get from me. My flavor of the week if you will...

Bonne année!

Well, here we are in 2008. It's funny to think that the "new millennium" was almost a decade ago. And as my friends start turning 23-24, I'm for the first time in my life starting to feel like a part of the "older generation." My students all think I'm ancient -- however, they usually are quite shocked when they find out how much younger I am than their usual teachers -- and a group of 18-20 year olds who Aimée and I met on New Year's Eve in Paris thought 22 was light years away. Don't even get me started on 23.

Yet, this is the year I turn 23. And I still haven't a clue what I'm going to be doing with my life. Some of my friends are getting engaged, starting amazing career paths and/or preparing to finish grad school with a very clear idea of where life will take them.

Me, I'm just borrowing time in Europe, living mostly off my limited salary but relying on my parents for extra (unnecessary) frills. So what does that make me? Am I going to move back in with my parents in June? Will I be another job-less 20-something who I always vowed I'd never become? And if you're sensitive to (gross) self-indulgence, save yourself the urge to vomit and bypass the next few sentences. But my whole life I've always been used to working hard to get what I want -- in an academic setting at least. In high school I was in the top 4 percent of my graduating class and in college, I was .02 GPA points away from being in that echelon again. At UCSB, I finished in the top 6 percent, with honors in both of my departments.

And here in France, my teachers are praising me for all my hard work. Honestly, it might not sound like it, but I promise you I'm am working hard to teach these kids English. It might sound super trivial and pointless, because they're going to be getting six-plus years of English long after I'm gone.

So this is my resolution for 2008 (other than dropping the weight I've already gained from eating way too much/too often over here):

I will come back in June and I will have a clear idea of where my life is supposed to go. Thus, my resolution is to have a job by the end of the year, and for once in my life, to be totally autonomous and stop relying on my parents' financial help. I don't want to feel guilty anymore from using Mommy and Daddy's credit cards. (No, that doesn't mean I'm going to learn to stop feeling guilty, it means I want to stop using their money soon.)

And another thing I'll address when I have more time and am not as tired as my current state: I'm becoming a little jaded about my time here in France. After five days in Paris -- note, I do very much consider myself a city-mouse -- France doesn't seem as shiny and exciting as it did at the beginning of this journey. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, but I think the novelty is somewhat wearing off. After years of wondering what spending a year abroad would be like, I'm finally getting that chance. And I'm starting to find out that perhaps I don't want to spend my whole life here like I romantically wished for before I started out here.

That whole wide-eyed and bushy-tail image doesn't really suit me. I've seen it, I'm living it, and I think I'm going to be ready for something else, a new dose of fresh air in my lungs come summer. And I know what you're thinking, "poor spoiled girl gets to spend a year in Europe," but things are different here. My sister and I had the first violent experience of my life after watching the Eiffel Tower glitter to signal the new year three nights ago. But again, I'm going to wait to explain that terrible story. No worries though, both of us are safe now. Alas, she's on her plane home back to the U.S.

Perhaps I've gotten it out of my system and now I'm finally ready to settle down with a desk job. Who knows :) One thing's for sure though, I still have a bit more traveling to get under my belt before any of this "real life" business gets in my way.

But above all, Happy New Year! We've all been given a clean slate. Can't wait to see what everyone's going to do with theirs...

Final update (of the year!) before Paris

Alright this is the last time I get to access a computer for about a week (ok, maybe a little less, but I like being dramatic).

Anyways, Aimee and I have made quite a journey up and down France and the Swiss border over the past few days. While Geneva was interesting for a day trip -- note, fairly cold -- I'm really glad we ended up canceling our hotel for three days. We basically did and saw all there was to do in less than one day. I'm glad we went and now I can add Switzerland to the list of places I've seen in my life. If I get the chance to go back again, I'd love to see some other cities!

But because we've been staying at Dad's house with the family, we've been eating home-cooked dinners and making fun little road trips. For example, today we road-tripped out to Chamonix, France and saw Mont Blanc. It's a pretty cute little ski resort town on the borders of France, Switzerland and Italy. Thus, we ran across many English, French, German and Italian speakers. Same thing was true in Geneva, but mix in a bunch of Asian tourists as well. I keep forgetting that I'm not living in a small little city, I'm really right in the midst of an international destination. Sometimes I need to step back and remember that. This is my home for now!

Speaking of that, I've been in contact with one of my advisors here and she says I can basically leave mid-June to make my sister's graduation in Santa Barbara, even though my contract says I have to stay until June 30th. However, they'll look much higher on my request if I plan to be an assistant again for the 2008-2009 school year.

Now I'm giving that a LOT of thought. This trip this year was pretty much a seat-of-my-pants, last-minute decision. I've had my ups and downs, but I'm very glad I'm getting this opportunity and meeting the people I've been meeting.

Does that necessarily mean I want to do it again? One thing's for sure though, if I stick through a second year, I'm definitely requesting a seven-month contract. Supposedly the high school assistants have far fewer responsibilities than we do at the elementary school level. And their schedules, for the most part, seem much looser than mine does. Those are two very enticing prospects.

Now where would I be placed is the next big question. Because it's officially recognized as a department of the French government, the idea of working in the French Caribbean sounds mighty tempting.

But how much longer do I really want to put off my real life? I'm pretty sure that once I start making a REAL salary, I'm going to be in debt up to my ears to my parents, since they're bailing me out when my salary runs low. In my defense though, I am paying for my rent/utilities and half of my food bills for the first time in my life. Without their help. Then again, assistants in the French Caribbean ARE paid over 1,000 Euros a month after taxes, while we in the actual country are only paid 780...

But what am I going to do when I get back in June?!?! I don't have a job lined up.... nor do I have any idea what it's going to be when I finally do start searching...

Any ideas? Should I put my life off for seven more months and experience another exciting part of the world...?

Whatever, PARIS HERE WE COME! See you next year :)

Not again

I'm having serious issues.

I can't stop eating delicious French food. Looking at myself in pictures, I resemble a woman in the early stages of her pregnancy. And I despise it. The girl I see is not me!!!!

However, it's not that I'm not doing anything. In fact I am. I've been going to the gym daily doing 40 minutes to an hour of cardio in addition to weights and crunches. The only difference I can see is that I'm still the same general size, just parts of my body feel harder. And it's kind of a gross feeling.

I promise. I have to. Tomorrow, I start my diet (start, this will be like the 6th attempt). And I continue going to the gym. I even went twice today -- once in the morning and once this evening.

I just can't help but think that if my body looks like this on the outside, what must I be doing to my heart and all my billions of internal health problems??

On the other hand, even though I want to lose weight for a vain reason, there's another quite practical want behind it too. One by one, my clothes are starting to become too small for my over-zealous frame. I cannot afford to purchase an entire wardrobe. I WILL get back to 125-120 lbs. some day and I WILL fit into all my clothes comfortably! Let's hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

...Like I said, I'm having serious issues. No more over-eating. :( My New Year's resolution is coming a little early this (next) year. It begins December 6th.

Home is where the heart is

...So cliché, yet soon, my heart will be (partially) in France. The prospect of my dad moving out here to start up his new job in less than one month and coming for a visit in one week is a very, very exciting one! With that comes more visits from my other family members.

Here's a map of where he'll be living, that's Geneva, Switzerland to the northeast and Lyon, France to the west. Hope you bring some warm clothes, Dad :-)

Although he'll be about 5 hours northeast of me by car and 7 by train, it just opens so many more doors! He and I can travel to fun places one weekend a month. He can make his way down here and pick me up to visit our family and family friends near Toulon. I can go out there and experience life on the French/Swiss border! And did I mention I'll get to see my family on multiple occasions during the next seven months?!

Obviously, you can tell I'm getting pretty homesick. Now that the excitement of travel has certainly dwindled and even come to a lull, I'm left dreaming about the next school vacation in about a month and a half.

Don't get me wrong, everything here is still fun and different, but I'm starting to get into a routine that doesn't quite meet the expectations I originally had for France. But this weekend does hold the promise of meeting some local French boys. I'm meeting Ludo to go out on Saturday night, and perhaps I'll be having dinner with Sarah and her neighbor's friends just before that. If I can get into a groove and begin speaking French more frequently than I hardly am doing now, I'll start to feel better about things. Actually going back to teaching has helped me a little because it's forcing me to speak French since the little ones don't understand much English at all. It's better (as far as learning the language is concerned) than being on vacation with other Americans speaking only English together!

Oh and one thing I really missed about home was Grey's Anatomy! I can't watch it on ABC.com here, because those bastards have blocked free access for anyone outside of the U.S. But suddenly it dawned on me last night to full-out illegally download episodes through a file-sharing service. Like we used to do in the dorms when we missed out on our favorite shows. And it actually worked!! I've got the first three episodes of the new season on my computer and tonight ABC is airing Episode No. 6... so I'm not too far behind! Plus, I'm sticking it to the man (I've never said that and being a moderate-conservative, never really wanted to until right now... must be the liberal European sentiment winning me over) by illegally downloading a show they refuse to let me watch for free online. If I was back at home or still in college, I could watch on ABC.com to my little heart's content, so they're not really losing out on a future customer. I have every intention of legitimately watching once I return home.

Anyways, I'm hoping I made the right decision to be here for nine months.

...Did I do the right thing to sign up for the nine-month program instead of seven? Most of my friends leave in May, but I'll still be around after. Hopefully by then I'll be much more accustomed to living by then and already have friends here to keep me busy! So far I'm content, it just is a lot of work to go from day-to-day here!

Cold Freezing Feet.

It has been almost three weeks since I've cried.

And here I am, with one full day remaining in front of me and my life in the United States, and I cried. No, wailed. The kind where you have to sit down in the shower and hold the walls because you can't keep it in. And you don't want to keep it in anymore, the burden is no longer enough to hide.

Not over one thing, but many.

But namely, am I making the right choice? Is this a bad decision? Will I regret it?

In 33 hours I will be on a plane, leaving my home and everything I've known. I have no where to live. I don't have any friends. My funds are excruciatingly limited. Expressing myself in this language is the hardest thing I've ever done -- I can read, write, understand French perfectly. Yet somehow, when I speak, I think in my head that I must sound like a simple child. Instead of explaining the word "outlet," I describe the "round, circle thing with holes in the wall to charge my cell phone."

"Ah, tu veux dire la prise." Sure, la prise. Whatever you people call it, all I want to do is charge my cell phone.

The biggest reason why tears stained my face today [cue pathetic drumroll]...

I'm still in love with someone who is probably over me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I feel like I'm running away from the one thing that used to make me happy. Why is the hurting period so long? And is it wrong that at the onset of two of my failed relationships the only thing running through my mind was, "When is he going to hurt me and then leave me?" because God knows I get way too attached to ever break up with and hurt someone on my own.

Am I making the right choice? Will I still be able to re-discover what I thought was happiness when I return in one year?

Or am I nothing but a pathetic excuse for a normal, rational, human being?

Yay, social reform!

Manifestations in Nîmes, March 2006... yes I was re-routed from Toulouse to Lyon via Nîmes -- what a nightmare.

Just when you thought the coast was clear, i.e. after I struggled to get around the country a year and a half ago...

According to the International Herald Tribune,

Employees of France's national rail network called a strike for Oct. 17 to protest President Nicolas Sarkozy's push to do away with their special privileges in the pension system.

The CGT, Sud, CFTC, FO and CGC unions plan to take part in the strike, the CGT union announced Wednesday. Three other unions have decided to consult with members before making a decision.

The strike will begin Oct. 16 at 8 p.m. (1800 GMT) and will continue the following day. Unions left open the possibility that it could last beyond that.

Similarly, the Strikes in France website warns of taking any French public transport during the fall months... like I will be doing very soon.

And apparently, two French energy unions are calling for the same thing -- big surprise -- strikes.

Could it be that any of these planned strikes happen to fall on the anniversary of Nuit Noire, a massacre in Paris during the War for Algerian Independence, when French governmental officials used unnecessary force to break up a peaceful demonstration of over 30,000 Algerians? Interestingly enough, there's a metro station in Paris renamed "17 Octobre 1961" this past February. Coincidence? Maybe, or maybe the French are just overly-zealous to quit working for an "important" cause.

Yeah, I know right, if I was forced to work 30 hours a week and take an exhausting 2-hour lunch break every day, I'd get real fed up quickly too.

With all the planned grèves, it looks like I'm going to be purchasing a bike ASAP!

(Oh and speaking of demonstrating for a cause, go see Across the Universe! I loved it!)

...UNE SEMAINE!!!

Travel restrictions

Ever since I found out where in France I was placed, I've been thinking about things I wear/do/need/use on a daily basis. I then compiled those things into an ever-growing list of what I should -- in theory -- pack to take with me to France for a year.

Now that my parents have returned from their three-week French vacation, I have two rather large suitcases up for grabs. My problem, however, is that I don't know where I'll be living, working, staying, etc. Since there are a lot of unknown variables surrounding my arrival, I've decided to take only one rolling suitcase that I can physically carry. I'm not going to go overboard and load more than I am capable of handling. Then I'm allowed two carry-ons, one will be my computer and laptop, the other I imagine an oversized purse.

That means I'm still thinking about my final check-through item. I'm allowed two, but only one is rolling, so I imagine the other's going to be a duffel bag of some sort I can just plop on top of my rolling bag.

Again, in theory this all sounds like a good idea. But when you get right down to it, how can you fit a year's worth of your life in four bags? We're not even talking things like furniture, appliances and decorations -- there's no way I'd ever be able to cart all that crap across the world with me. All I'm thinking about are clothes, toiletries, teaching supplies (should I be worried I haven't even thought over a single lesson plan yet?), shoes, jackets, towels, outlet converters, the list goes on...

I know I should have begun this process sooner, because it's extremely overwhelming right now. I haven't tried to fit anything in the rolling suitcase quite yet, but I've been making large piles of things I want to take according to their value of importance. Perhaps if nothing fits, I can just pare down from the top of the stack (least important) to the select few items at the bottom (can't live without 'em).

Fingers crossed it all fits! And fingers crossed I'll be able to easily access anything the first few nights I'm living out of a hostel and homeless!

...8 jours!!!! (I'm beginning to feel like I'm going to be the last assistant to arrive in the Hexagon)

Define "writer"

While I usually write articles for the avp.com website -- WROTE, seeing as how today was our last tour stop!!! -- sometimes I was called upon to endorse the large sponsor checks out to the winners (see above photo from today's tournament).

Well, today after I signed the check and Matt Fuerbringer and Casey Jennings held it up over their heads, a fairly grizzled man looked over at me and laughed.

"That's the nicest handwriting I've ever seen. Seriously, you should consider going into caligraphy," he told me.

Now bear in mind, this is the same guy who apparently does absolutely nothing on site. He's always sitting in the media tent, checking emails and spouting off random obsenities over something. Then checks his "stocks and property values" and proceeds to make another obscenity-heavy phone call to someone important.

Or so he wants those of us listening to think.

Anyways, since I've established that he's fairly off kilter, WHO SAYS YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO CALIGRAPHY? It's not like we need scribes to write pretty ball invitations on scrolls anymore. But what do I know, because supposedly, according to him, there's good money in caligraphy.

Whatever.

Going back to today being my last day on tour, I'm not really sure how I feel yet. First, that means France is right around the corner, and I haven't even stopped to think about that, let alone what the heck I'm even going to pack for a year's worth of living.

But the AVP season has been a serious roller-coaster for me. At first I enjoyed it, then when I found out my boss and the other writer were quitting and I had to go to all 18 stops, I really wanted to shoot myself. And since I didn't know much about beach (or indoor for that matter) volleyball, I was almost convinced that I'd be fired for royally screwing up at some point in the season.

But I made it. And the second half has been much more pleasant. I don't know if I'd want to go back or not, partially because I think I enjoyed this half so much because I knew it was the tail end of the tour. And I didn't really get to say goodbye to all the people I wanted to properly -- people I've been busting my tail side-by-side with for six straight months. I don't think they really got to express any profound goodbyes either, running off to barely catch their flights back home.

With the internet being what it is, I'm fairly certain I'll still retain a good amount of contact with them. I'm just seriously enjoying the fact that I don't really have to do anything for a while now.

It's going to be great. And boring, which is perfect for now. I feel like I deserve a two-week break.

...13 jours!!!

Quatorze jours (deux semaines!)

Maybe I'm way too naive and overly optimistic.




...But I can't wait for something to finally work out right in my life. I don't know when that day will come, but I'm ready for it.

Espèce de carrefour?

The more I think about it, the more I believe that moving to France is only a ruse for covering up the loose ends in my life. When everything seems to fail me, I hide behind an international journey. However, I guess there could be worse options to choose from!

This will be the second time I flee the country to escape any emotional baggage I can no longer carry. A clean slate if you will. An image of something totally different -- something completely un-Monique for a change. However, the irony lies in the fact that my name is rather symbolic of the quintessential French style de vie. Without trying to at all, I am all things French solely because of my name. Maybe that’s why I’m about to embark upon this life journey.

Yet all anyone can tell me is how excited they are for me. How scary it must be, or how gutsy I am to just up and move out of the country like this.

But I want to let you in on a little secret. I’m sure anyone, if placed in the same situation -- no long-term job prospects, two utter failures in the romance department, no central localization of any friends and no debt -- would have no trouble following the steps I’m crafting.

Granted, it will be all of those things, but the idea doesn’t seem so life-shattering to me as it does to everyone else. I’m just another confused college grad looking to find herself in the world. Yawn… All my life plans, or what I thought were going to be my life plans, have crumbled and the trail of crumbs leads me down this part of the forest… forêt rather. I’ve been down this road before so perhaps the second time through will be slightly more navigable.

I’m not really sure what I’m doing quite yet. But does anyone really? All I know is that I want to be there, I want to speak French on a daily basis and I want to escape for a little while. Ten months seems fair, non?

Only when I’m ready, will I re-accept who I am here in the United States. And as they are right now, my feet then will also be at the intersection of possibilities, opportunities, broken dreams and rejections. When I return in one year, nothing will be tying me down. Just as nothing is tying me down in the present tense. And for once, I feel extremely at ease with that idea.

...16 jours!!!!

Let there be light!

[Preface to this post:] It wasn't until flying on Wednesday night that I realize I feel utterly isolated.

Yes, I have close friends via electronic communication; however, I'm up in the Bay Area alone and I've just gone through a really hard situation also leaving me emotionally abandoned. In times like these during college, I'd go out with friends or have a physical shoulder to cry on, watch a movie with the girls... the list goes on.

And when I thought about all that on the plane, I couldn't keep it in. I've never before acted like this in public and I could not hold back the tears stinging my eyes.

Luckily it was a red eye flight, so it was dark and hardly anyone was awake when I rank back to the lavatory to grab some kleenex.

It all just hit so hard and I've had three days to digest it all. Even though I'm totally overwhelmed, I'm starting to put things into perspective and convince myself of how to think, feel and act.

Working constantly for two weeks is helping take my mind off everything. Especially with a lightning storm here in Boston to break up the monotony of 12 hours of volleyball matches. And since this IS the AVP, it was only fitting that they evacuated us from our metal "cage" to a neighboring bar and dance cabana. Hey, at least they had an overhang!

There really is never a dull moment here on tour. Especially when you mix staff, players and local drunks :)

...But when it all comes to a screeching halt at the end of the season, I'm getting the feeling that I'm going to have a lot more time to think about my present situation some more.

On the road again...

I feel like I just made a really symbolic ride through my life today, going up I-5 from Los Angeles to the Bay Area. On the way down there, we stopped in Santa Barbara one last time and it was a complete and utter disappointment. I thought I'd find what I was looking for, but instead was brutally shot down. And I couldn't even hold it together one last time.

Basically, I'm alone in this journey whether I want to be or not.

Then I traveled from somewhere I would one day like to call home to the place that I now physically call home - by virtue of storing all my possessions there. To tell you the truth, I don't know if I ever really will feel at home anywhere at this point. I'm really scared about what lies ahead, because I know I'm going to have to do it without friends, family or a loved one present if it's in the L.A.-area. For someone as dependent on others as I am, that's a frightening thought. Really, it is.

Anyways, on the way up here we got into a minor collision when someone rear-ended my mom's car. It was the kind of thing to really shake you up and make you worry, but not bad enough to really mess anything up. Here's the metaphor of my life. I always have little shakes. Nothing ever is disastrous enough to really wake me up and take me out of my element. I think in that kind of situation, I'd have to learn to adapt and become comfortable outside of myself.

But I'm always stuck right in this comfort zone with minor problems that I end up making mole hills into mountains of. I need perspective in my life. But more than anything, I want to know how things are going to turn out. I want to know what job I'm going to have, where it's going to be and who's still going to be in my life when I go there.

I just want that comfort if it's not too much to ask for.

Topsy-turvy

It seems everything has changed since I once began making initial life plans for myself!

And it all started with college [insert flashback noise and images here]...

Since visiting the campus my junior year of high school so many years ago, I've always known that I wanted to someday live in Los Angeles. Despite my extensive activities, honors, high gpa and test scores -- I was denied entry into that school.

At the time, I thought Santa Barbara was the shorter end of the deal and I was settling. Oh how wrong I was! The past four years have been incredible and I'm really glad I got to experience them. (Keep this theme in mind for the rest of this post).

Even though I have encountered some setbacks to my original life plan, I'm still moving along rather smoothly. While I again was denied my heart's desire for a job in major league baseball, I still was able to land a job in professional beach volleyball that I've grown to love as the months go on.

Even though I most likely will not be going on to France -- something was initially mixed up and confused about, but later grew to want that and only that -- I've been tentatively offered a chance to stay with my current company and perhaps land a full-time, salaried position!

Which means, I finally get to circle back to where I originally wanted to be, by moving to Los Angeles in the next month and a half (or so).

Life has a funny way of dropping you in places you want to be and it seems like it has a different agenda and schedule planned out for me than I had for myself. Oh yeah, and, Manhattan Beach, here I come for the final Southern California AVP Tour stop in 2007.

Where has the time gone?

Being back in Santa Barbara for a week of non-commitment is extremely bizarre, like I've been constantly reiterating.

But more so now, because I see all the incoming freshman excitedly getting lost around campus during their summer orientation sessions.

What I would give to be back in their shoes. Lisa asked me if I would do anything differently, going back to relive freshman year in the dorms, knowing all that I know now.

My answer then, and now, was no. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to go back and do it all over again. Every single moment over the past four years, the good, boring and the disastrous, has made me exactly who I am today. I regret none of it.

But I do have this wistful feeling of days past. Knowing where everyone is at right now and how in the very near future, everything is going to become so intricately different from anything I've ever known. Are the best years of my life behind me? I sure hope not! But it did fly before my eyes and I would give anything just to hold on to some of those moments and live them over in slow motion.

These freshmen have no idea what they're in for. It's going to be a life-changing ride for all of them. And I'm pretty sure I still have a few more of those up my sleeve in the next upcoming days, weeks, years...