Cold Freezing Feet.

It has been almost three weeks since I've cried.

And here I am, with one full day remaining in front of me and my life in the United States, and I cried. No, wailed. The kind where you have to sit down in the shower and hold the walls because you can't keep it in. And you don't want to keep it in anymore, the burden is no longer enough to hide.

Not over one thing, but many.

But namely, am I making the right choice? Is this a bad decision? Will I regret it?

In 33 hours I will be on a plane, leaving my home and everything I've known. I have no where to live. I don't have any friends. My funds are excruciatingly limited. Expressing myself in this language is the hardest thing I've ever done -- I can read, write, understand French perfectly. Yet somehow, when I speak, I think in my head that I must sound like a simple child. Instead of explaining the word "outlet," I describe the "round, circle thing with holes in the wall to charge my cell phone."

"Ah, tu veux dire la prise." Sure, la prise. Whatever you people call it, all I want to do is charge my cell phone.

The biggest reason why tears stained my face today [cue pathetic drumroll]...

I'm still in love with someone who is probably over me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I feel like I'm running away from the one thing that used to make me happy. Why is the hurting period so long? And is it wrong that at the onset of two of my failed relationships the only thing running through my mind was, "When is he going to hurt me and then leave me?" because God knows I get way too attached to ever break up with and hurt someone on my own.

Am I making the right choice? Will I still be able to re-discover what I thought was happiness when I return in one year?

Or am I nothing but a pathetic excuse for a normal, rational, human being?