I feel like I just made a really symbolic ride through my life today, going up I-5 from Los Angeles to the Bay Area. On the way down there, we stopped in Santa Barbara one last time and it was a complete and utter disappointment. I thought I'd find what I was looking for, but instead was brutally shot down. And I couldn't even hold it together one last time.
Basically, I'm alone in this journey whether I want to be or not.
Then I traveled from somewhere I would one day like to call home to the place that I now physically call home - by virtue of storing all my possessions there. To tell you the truth, I don't know if I ever really will feel at home anywhere at this point. I'm really scared about what lies ahead, because I know I'm going to have to do it without friends, family or a loved one present if it's in the L.A.-area. For someone as dependent on others as I am, that's a frightening thought. Really, it is.
Anyways, on the way up here we got into a minor collision when someone rear-ended my mom's car. It was the kind of thing to really shake you up and make you worry, but not bad enough to really mess anything up. Here's the metaphor of my life. I always have little shakes. Nothing ever is disastrous enough to really wake me up and take me out of my element. I think in that kind of situation, I'd have to learn to adapt and become comfortable outside of myself.
But I'm always stuck right in this comfort zone with minor problems that I end up making mole hills into mountains of. I need perspective in my life. But more than anything, I want to know how things are going to turn out. I want to know what job I'm going to have, where it's going to be and who's still going to be in my life when I go there.
I just want that comfort if it's not too much to ask for.
Basically, I'm alone in this journey whether I want to be or not.
Then I traveled from somewhere I would one day like to call home to the place that I now physically call home - by virtue of storing all my possessions there. To tell you the truth, I don't know if I ever really will feel at home anywhere at this point. I'm really scared about what lies ahead, because I know I'm going to have to do it without friends, family or a loved one present if it's in the L.A.-area. For someone as dependent on others as I am, that's a frightening thought. Really, it is.
Anyways, on the way up here we got into a minor collision when someone rear-ended my mom's car. It was the kind of thing to really shake you up and make you worry, but not bad enough to really mess anything up. Here's the metaphor of my life. I always have little shakes. Nothing ever is disastrous enough to really wake me up and take me out of my element. I think in that kind of situation, I'd have to learn to adapt and become comfortable outside of myself.
But I'm always stuck right in this comfort zone with minor problems that I end up making mole hills into mountains of. I need perspective in my life. But more than anything, I want to know how things are going to turn out. I want to know what job I'm going to have, where it's going to be and who's still going to be in my life when I go there.
I just want that comfort if it's not too much to ask for.
No comments:
Post a Comment