Well, here we are in 2008. It's funny to think that the "new millennium" was almost a decade ago. And as my friends start turning 23-24, I'm for the first time in my life starting to feel like a part of the "older generation." My students all think I'm ancient -- however, they usually are quite shocked when they find out how much younger I am than their usual teachers -- and a group of 18-20 year olds who Aimée and I met on New Year's Eve in Paris thought 22 was light years away. Don't even get me started on 23.
Yet, this is the year I turn 23. And I still haven't a clue what I'm going to be doing with my life. Some of my friends are getting engaged, starting amazing career paths and/or preparing to finish grad school with a very clear idea of where life will take them.
Me, I'm just borrowing time in Europe, living mostly off my limited salary but relying on my parents for extra (unnecessary) frills. So what does that make me? Am I going to move back in with my parents in June? Will I be another job-less 20-something who I always vowed I'd never become? And if you're sensitive to (gross) self-indulgence, save yourself the urge to vomit and bypass the next few sentences. But my whole life I've always been used to working hard to get what I want -- in an academic setting at least. In high school I was in the top 4 percent of my graduating class and in college, I was .02 GPA points away from being in that echelon again. At UCSB, I finished in the top 6 percent, with honors in both of my departments.
And here in France, my teachers are praising me for all my hard work. Honestly, it might not sound like it, but I promise you I'm am working hard to teach these kids English. It might sound super trivial and pointless, because they're going to be getting six-plus years of English long after I'm gone.
So this is my resolution for 2008 (other than dropping the weight I've already gained from eating way too much/too often over here):
I will come back in June and I will have a clear idea of where my life is supposed to go. Thus, my resolution is to have a job by the end of the year, and for once in my life, to be totally autonomous and stop relying on my parents' financial help. I don't want to feel guilty anymore from using Mommy and Daddy's credit cards. (No, that doesn't mean I'm going to learn to stop feeling guilty, it means I want to stop using their money soon.)
And another thing I'll address when I have more time and am not as tired as my current state: I'm becoming a little jaded about my time here in France. After five days in Paris -- note, I do very much consider myself a city-mouse -- France doesn't seem as shiny and exciting as it did at the beginning of this journey. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, but I think the novelty is somewhat wearing off. After years of wondering what spending a year abroad would be like, I'm finally getting that chance. And I'm starting to find out that perhaps I don't want to spend my whole life here like I romantically wished for before I started out here.
That whole wide-eyed and bushy-tail image doesn't really suit me. I've seen it, I'm living it, and I think I'm going to be ready for something else, a new dose of fresh air in my lungs come summer. And I know what you're thinking, "poor spoiled girl gets to spend a year in Europe," but things are different here. My sister and I had the first violent experience of my life after watching the Eiffel Tower glitter to signal the new year three nights ago. But again, I'm going to wait to explain that terrible story. No worries though, both of us are safe now. Alas, she's on her plane home back to the U.S.
Perhaps I've gotten it out of my system and now I'm finally ready to settle down with a desk job. Who knows :) One thing's for sure though, I still have a bit more traveling to get under my belt before any of this "real life" business gets in my way.
But above all, Happy New Year! We've all been given a clean slate. Can't wait to see what everyone's going to do with theirs...
Yet, this is the year I turn 23. And I still haven't a clue what I'm going to be doing with my life. Some of my friends are getting engaged, starting amazing career paths and/or preparing to finish grad school with a very clear idea of where life will take them.
Me, I'm just borrowing time in Europe, living mostly off my limited salary but relying on my parents for extra (unnecessary) frills. So what does that make me? Am I going to move back in with my parents in June? Will I be another job-less 20-something who I always vowed I'd never become? And if you're sensitive to (gross) self-indulgence, save yourself the urge to vomit and bypass the next few sentences. But my whole life I've always been used to working hard to get what I want -- in an academic setting at least. In high school I was in the top 4 percent of my graduating class and in college, I was .02 GPA points away from being in that echelon again. At UCSB, I finished in the top 6 percent, with honors in both of my departments.
And here in France, my teachers are praising me for all my hard work. Honestly, it might not sound like it, but I promise you I'm am working hard to teach these kids English. It might sound super trivial and pointless, because they're going to be getting six-plus years of English long after I'm gone.
So this is my resolution for 2008 (other than dropping the weight I've already gained from eating way too much/too often over here):
I will come back in June and I will have a clear idea of where my life is supposed to go. Thus, my resolution is to have a job by the end of the year, and for once in my life, to be totally autonomous and stop relying on my parents' financial help. I don't want to feel guilty anymore from using Mommy and Daddy's credit cards. (No, that doesn't mean I'm going to learn to stop feeling guilty, it means I want to stop using their money soon.)
And another thing I'll address when I have more time and am not as tired as my current state: I'm becoming a little jaded about my time here in France. After five days in Paris -- note, I do very much consider myself a city-mouse -- France doesn't seem as shiny and exciting as it did at the beginning of this journey. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, but I think the novelty is somewhat wearing off. After years of wondering what spending a year abroad would be like, I'm finally getting that chance. And I'm starting to find out that perhaps I don't want to spend my whole life here like I romantically wished for before I started out here.
That whole wide-eyed and bushy-tail image doesn't really suit me. I've seen it, I'm living it, and I think I'm going to be ready for something else, a new dose of fresh air in my lungs come summer. And I know what you're thinking, "poor spoiled girl gets to spend a year in Europe," but things are different here. My sister and I had the first violent experience of my life after watching the Eiffel Tower glitter to signal the new year three nights ago. But again, I'm going to wait to explain that terrible story. No worries though, both of us are safe now. Alas, she's on her plane home back to the U.S.
Perhaps I've gotten it out of my system and now I'm finally ready to settle down with a desk job. Who knows :) One thing's for sure though, I still have a bit more traveling to get under my belt before any of this "real life" business gets in my way.
But above all, Happy New Year! We've all been given a clean slate. Can't wait to see what everyone's going to do with theirs...
2 comments:
Hey you! You need to email me with an explanation of New Years. I know what you mean though, although I am engaged and have a job, I have no real idea of where my life is going. I hope, like you, to figure it out before this summer so I can start moving forward.
Here's to the new year :)
know what's funny? i got the feeling from your blogs that you knew what you wanted to do...or at least had some direction. you mentioned teaching and now you've got bunches of experience there; you've been writing for years and have stories to prove it. i sat here all jealous because you've actually been getting a taste of things you might like to do, while i've been really just having fun (really, paris was almost zero work) and barely thinking about the future.
so anyway, i don't know what that has to do with anything. maybe that other people are just as confused as you...or that they aren't as in control as they may appear.
OH and on another front, i'll probably start blogging again once i get back to sb. i miss it dearly :-)
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