Espèce de carrefour?

The more I think about it, the more I believe that moving to France is only a ruse for covering up the loose ends in my life. When everything seems to fail me, I hide behind an international journey. However, I guess there could be worse options to choose from!

This will be the second time I flee the country to escape any emotional baggage I can no longer carry. A clean slate if you will. An image of something totally different -- something completely un-Monique for a change. However, the irony lies in the fact that my name is rather symbolic of the quintessential French style de vie. Without trying to at all, I am all things French solely because of my name. Maybe that’s why I’m about to embark upon this life journey.

Yet all anyone can tell me is how excited they are for me. How scary it must be, or how gutsy I am to just up and move out of the country like this.

But I want to let you in on a little secret. I’m sure anyone, if placed in the same situation -- no long-term job prospects, two utter failures in the romance department, no central localization of any friends and no debt -- would have no trouble following the steps I’m crafting.

Granted, it will be all of those things, but the idea doesn’t seem so life-shattering to me as it does to everyone else. I’m just another confused college grad looking to find herself in the world. Yawn… All my life plans, or what I thought were going to be my life plans, have crumbled and the trail of crumbs leads me down this part of the forest… forêt rather. I’ve been down this road before so perhaps the second time through will be slightly more navigable.

I’m not really sure what I’m doing quite yet. But does anyone really? All I know is that I want to be there, I want to speak French on a daily basis and I want to escape for a little while. Ten months seems fair, non?

Only when I’m ready, will I re-accept who I am here in the United States. And as they are right now, my feet then will also be at the intersection of possibilities, opportunities, broken dreams and rejections. When I return in one year, nothing will be tying me down. Just as nothing is tying me down in the present tense. And for once, I feel extremely at ease with that idea.

...16 jours!!!!