I'd like to exchange this pair.

And everyone wonders why I have such low self-esteem.

For some reason I keep stumbling across guys who are -- in the end -- totally wrong for me. I’ve never been able to keep one interested for a long period of time. Nor have I ever dated a guy who told me I was beautiful. Not like I would have believed him, but things like that start helping to build up confidence where none existed before.

I want to be in love so badly, that I try to fit them through these little molds in which they don’t fit. And for that reason, I am to blame. For trying too hard to see the good in people and waiting to give them the credit I think they deserve, because I really am that naïve. I see people for what they should be and not what they are. And it always lets me down, leaving me hurt and completely exposed.

What makes matters worse, is that they leave me different than I started. Despite all my accomplishments and the success I should feel for myself, I instead feel worthless, unattractive and unimportant. But most of all, I feel like I am replaceable, because I probably am.

The closest analogy I can think of is like trying on a pair of pants. Sometimes you have to struggle through really crappy, overpriced pairs of jeans that show off all your imperfections and flatter you in all the wrong areas. But eventually (because I am forever an optimist), you happen across the right pair, the ones that make you feel and look like a million bucks. And then you never want to take those jeans off.

Well, it might not be like that for everyone else, but that’s how things are with me (literally, the pants-shopping process as well as the male department).

Back to the sale racks I guess. Preferably the ones near the slimming mirrors.