Tant pis.

I chewed about two pieces of gum over the weekend.

Big mistake. I think the jaw issues are flaring up all over again. If you ever see me, DO NOT let me have gum, ever. So I'm trying to take it easy, maybe revert back to non-chewy foods and stick to the old massage/stretching regimen I used to be on.

On the bright side, today was the first time I took any painkillers since my terrible allergic reaction to Excedrine that left me vomiting for nearly 12 hours.

And also on the bright side, ice cream is a non-chewy food.... :) Too bad Safeway was out of my favorite flavor ever :(

How do you have eggnog and gingerbread, but NO PEPPERMINT?! So we settled on rocky road. It's a good second choice.

P.S. It only has to be the Dreyer's brand.... the Safeway knock-off kind has green mint chunks and it is way less good. If you haven't, buy Dreyer's/Edy's peppermint ice cream. It's like Christmas in your mouth.

The Never-Ending Saga

So my TMJ trials continue. Currently, my physical therapist doctor has limited my jaw's range of motion by restricting me to "soft foods" and liquids only.

In the diagram below, you can see exactly what the jaw muscles are. My TMJ joint is off track. Thus causing the jaw bones to rub against each other and crunch and pop out of place. Apparently, this is something that's never going to correct itself or go away; essentially I have to live with this my entire life. (Unless they refer me out to surgery, which I'm hoping they do at some point because this is getting unbearable).

So with all that going on, my Temporalis Muscle is working way overtime to try and make up for that. The muscls are pulling away from my TMJ joint and causing a severe amount of pain/strain right where the muscle meets the joint. My remedy for this has been to massage and exercise the muscle right where it meets the joint. However, the instant I barely touched the muscle, shooting pains went through my entire head.

I can't do it.... it's way too painful. So I'm trying in small doses. And hoping it gets better. But with the Temporalis Muscle working overtime, the lower, Masseter Muscle is working hard to pull in the other direction to correct my jaw strain.

All this just leads to a big old mess of lower jaw pain, excruciating pain located where my TMJ joint is, and gnarly pressure headaches at my temples, where the Temporalis Muscle meets the TMJ joint. Imagine everything you use your mouth for.... it's something I'm always constantly aware of, I can't just shut it out. And the headaches are getting so intense, that I can't focus one entire day. By the late afternoon, I can't do anything at all because the headaches just make my want to lie in bed and not move. When I get home from work, I plop down on the couch and can't do anything at all.

This is my life, with advanced TMJ.

Awesome. I can't open my mouth more than two fingers high (how high they are stacked up on top of each other, not lengthwise). So I'm stuck to eating oatmeal, soups, Jamba Juice, PB&J sandwiches, flaky fish, rice and meals made in the slow cooker...

Does anyone I know specialize in oral surgery who might be able to help me?! :)

Thoughts in my head:

-I received my official LARGE envelope from the University of the Pacific, meaning I'm accepted into the grad student program!

- I LOVE weddings, had sooo much fun this weekend!

- I hate my body, TMJ came back tonight and I cried in the car on the way home, massaged/iced/heat pack-ed my jaw/throat/neck/back for almost an hour and still am super sore. That'd be great if it wanted to go away soon...

- Back to reality tomorrow (and work on Tuesday)

Seeeeck.

I think that's phonetically how a French person would say, "sick." Am I right?? haha.

Anyways, big day for me as I ditched my classes for the first time here. Since my jaw was bothering me so much, I practically was awake until 3-4 a.m. My problem, however, was that I took Tylenol PM and when I'm on that and not getting a full 7-8 hours of sleep, my body goes into anarchy mode.

Basically, from the moment my alarm went off all I wanted to do was either throw up or sleep. So I tried to ignore my stomach and I slept. And slept, and slept. Until noon. It was a dang good feeling.

Don't worry, I was responsible about it though. I called La Tourniere at 8 a.m. to let them know I wouldn't be coming in today. Luckily, today's my shortest day and by the time I woke up, I would have been off work anyhow.

So no more staying up late for me. If I ever take Tylenol PM again in the near future for this problem, it needs to be around 9 p.m. -- as soon as my dinner's over.

EDIT: Oh snap, I totally forgot what today was. A bunch of teachers told me they were going to be striking today and I probably shouldn't show up anyways. So I guess I accidentally aided the cause by unwillingly striking today as well! How funny....

I just hope all this striking B.S. comes to an end soon.

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And I just wanted to say that I officially hate my roommate. Before I was scared of/embarrassed for her, but now I full on hate her. She is the most petty and rude person I've ever met. I don't know what I'm going to do other than try not to be here as often as possible. For example, she woke me up this morning when I was sick, but I didn't mind, I just went back to sleep.

She came home for lunch today and while I was cooking, I went into my room to get something. I guess usually she sleeps in the living room -- why I have no idea, her bedroom, which blocks out noise with a DOOR is literally two feet away -- and as I'm leaving pops up from laying down on the couch. She screams my name super loud -- I know she's upset when she calls me by my name, usually she forgets it and calls me whatever she pleases -- and yells at me saying that she has such a long f-ing day and needs only 15 minutes to sleep each afternoon. Then she continues treating me like a child, saying, "What's so hard for you to understand about not making a single noise for 15 minutes??"

And I'm too much of a chicken to stand up for myself, so I just apologized six times, wanted to cry, and finished making my lunch in total silence. P.S. She's been sleeping for 45 minutes now, so does that mean I can make noise because I only had to be quiet for 15? And where does she get off acting so rude to me? I didn't yell at her when she woke me up, from within MY OWN ROOM.

Welcome Back...

Oh man, I thought I had naturally grown out of this like some people eventually do in time.

But after two years of rather unsuccessful treatment, my TMJ -- or TTM in France -- seemed to MIRACULOUSLY disappear after coming out here to France. Perhaps it was the result of me no longer making weekly plane trips after finishing up with the AVP. Either way, for two months here I was never once bothered by my jaw problems.

...Until three days ago.

Now here I sit, watching Grey's Anatomy on my computer trying to take my mind off it. I can't sleep because I'm too busy rubbing, stretching, and trying to pop my jaw back in place. Instead of sleep, I'm here making the most disgusting noises with my jaw joints.

And it's really painful. And when I take money out for my rent next week, I'll be left with less than 200 euros in my account. This is a really, really bad time to need to see a doctor. And where would I even start to look? I can barely describe my problem in English, let alone French. And do I really want to see someone? I've had such bad luck with it in the U.S. that I totally distrust anything they could possibly do here.

Maybe I'll just go to the local pharmacie (pick one, they're every 5 feet here) and load up on some intense pain killers. Until then, it's time for some Tylenol PM. Here's to knocking me out for the night without any further pain... (I WISH!)

Then again, maybe it's a result of my terrible students! Today was the first time I actually had to stop a "fun" lesson and make them copy sentences. When I come back, I'm going to check and make sure their parents signed their letters saying how bad they were -- wish me luck (with everything).